This section starts with a review of the reciprocal contract used by co-counsellors and then discusses the roles of both client and counsellor in relation to the use of Free Attention. A summary is then given of the major techniques and this is followed by descriptions and examples of those techniques. Firstly, we'd like to introduce the concept of Free Attention.
FREE ATTENTION: This is a very important concept: A person's Free Attention consists of all the attention available which is not either:
BASIC CONTRACT: Nothing to do with lawyers, the co-counselling contract is a powerful and exciting tool for change. Making an explicit contract helps minimize the ways in which Patterns interfere with the counselling. Co-counsellors meet as equals with each of them knowing the techniques available for use. They agree to share the available time equally between client and counsellor roles for both of them. They agree that clients are in charge of how they use their time and that counsellors do not evaluate, interpret, or give advice on the clients' problems. They also agree that everything within the co-counselling session is Confidential.
Client's Role
The client is in charge of his/her session, decides what to work on, how to work on it, how long to work on it: it is the client's time. The client is free to accept or reject the counsellor's suggestions. The client is working to liberate his/her own potential. The client needs to make clear at the start of a session what kind of contract he or she wants. The following represent the main possibilities.
Counsellor's Role
The Counsellor's Free Attention
The counsellor is asked to give their Free Attention to the client and to give it in such a manner that the client appreciates that this is happening. We recognize that someone is attending to us when we notice them looking at us, and we are completely certain of their attention when there is eye contact. Thus it is suggested that counsellors look at the client, particularly at their face and usually at their eyes. The counsellor perseveres with this. Even if the client does not maintain eye contact the counsellor can be in the ready position so that the client can easily resume such contact.
In addition to eye contact physical touch can also serve the same purpose, and therefore it also helps for the counsellor to hold the client's hand or rest a hand on their knee. This type of contact is often helpful during Discharge when the client's physical posture may make eye contact difficult.
N.B. Sometimes physical contact will inhibit a client's Discharge--particularly crying--perhaps because touch has been part of the suppression of discharge in the past, hugging being accompanied by,"There, there, don't cry." It is worthwhile checking this point with a client you don't know well, and keeping alert to the effect your touch has on Discharge.
These suggested behaviours for the counsellor are also an aid to the counsellor in maintaining the maximum amount of Free Attention. As counsellor you are likely to become very much aware of when your attention is distracted from the client by realizing you are no longer looking at them, noticing them. Inexperienced counsellors are particularly likely to notice how easily they are distracted. There is no need to be discouraged by this; it is a stage most of us go through. Giving Free Attention is a skill which has to be learned and awareness of distraction is an important part of the learning process. Giving supportive free attention is the crucial foundation of counsellor skills.
The more experienced the client, the more likely it is they will only want your Free Attention; you will still be doing a crucial job; feelings of inadequacy or rejection are the counsellor's distress. Giving Free Attention becomes much easier with experience and you will notice you become relaxed and enjoy doing it. The amount of Free Attention you have will still vary. You are not expected to become perfect. (Any such thoughts are more Distress).
There is one obligation and that is not to cheat your client. If for any reason your Free Attention becomes really swamped--usually because of Restimulation by the client's Distress--then tell your client you cannot give attention at the moment and ask for roles to be temporarily reversed, i.e. you take a few minutes as client to climb out of your Distress.
When you are able to maintain a reasonable amount of Free Attention, then you can play a more active role in helping the client, by making suggestions to help the client move further into, or out of, Distress, or to celebrate.
The Client's Free Attention
As client, note that the conditions which favour Discharge involve a Balance of Attention between past Distress and present safety. Discharge will not occur without the Distress being actually re-experienced, and hence many techniques in co-counselling are aimed at bringing up, and reliving to some extent, buried Distress. (It may be simmering just below the surface or it may be a long way down). If however the Distress is experienced without consciousness of present safety, it will literally be a reliving of the record without effecting any change in it, like a nightmare. This can be a hazard.
Present safety is provided by the counsellor and particularly by your awareness of the counsellor's attention. As client, however, you can help yourself by learning how to maintain some Free Attention. This will be helped if you endeavour to look at the counsellor--even when discharging. Equally this is something which needs to be learned and the inexperienced client may find it very difficult. As a beginner it isn't a point to worry about, but as you become more experienced you will find it pays off and you will be able to do very effective work, experiencing a lot of discharge while very conscious of present safety because of the eye contact with your counsellor. At the beginning both eye contact, and Discharge, are likely to go in fits and starts.
Go to previous page. Go to next page. Go to How to Change Yourself & Your World.