This section contains a number of special exercises which are typical of co-counselling, and also discusses some important working methods in more detail.
If you had a bad time in hospital as a child, you may be aware of disliking hospitals, but be unaware of all the restimulations from this; you may get upset by resting in bed, women who remind you of an unkind nurse, machinery, white walls etc. Suppose a particular disinfectant smell restimulates feelings of anxiety and depression. This may be experienced in several ways:
A.) You are aware of the connection with the previous bad experience, and when the feelings happen you identify them as belonging in the past, and you are unaffected by them.
B.) As above, but this time identifying where the feelings come from doesn't make them disappear; whenever reminded of the hospital, you spend time miserably going over the experience and memories.
C.) You have the feelings but are totally unconscious of the connections, so the feelings are either totally mysterious or you attach them to things in your current life and over-react to current events.
Co-counselling techniques are aimed at identifying restimulations (sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly), and breaking up the habitual responses, whether these are negative feelings, or actions or beliefs about yourself. The general result will be to help change reactions of type B or C above towards type A. The checking recognitions exercise is a very useful one for illustrating Restimulation and then working against it.
The exercise is concerned with identifying restimulations which are produced by the appearance and actions of other people. It is particularly important when you find you have a strong reaction to someone when you first meet them, whether the reaction is positive or negative. The suggestion is that any such strong reactions are likely to be restimulations, as you can know very little about someone you have just met. Strong negative feelings are likely to lead to a prejudiced view of the person's ideas and actions, and to avoiding the person concerned. Strong positive feelings are likely to lead to expectations of positive actions and responses which are out of proportion to the present-time relationship. In this latter case, the danger is that the person having such expectations may be resentful or feel rejected if they aren't met, despite the fact that the other person is behaving normally for a new acquaintance.
This type of exercise may be looked upon as a particular type of Pattern identification. The primary purpose of Checking Recognitions however is to help the client distinguish between their Patterned perception of someone else, and the perception of the other person as they are, here and now. The effect of restimulation is analogous to what analytic therapists call transference, but the method of using it in co-counselling is different from that in the analytic tradition.
The suggestion to use the routine may come from the client or the counsellor. It is always being used for the benefit of the client. The following sequence is a useful one:
1. The counsellor asks, "Who do I remind you of?" The client sees what thoughts come into her head. It sometimes helps for the counsellor to say, "First thought!" or to provide a signal like snapping the fingers.
The client tries to respond with the name of a person. It may be, however, that the images are of a more general nature--'a father figure' or 'the girl next door,' or a stereotype like 'teacher' or 'politician,' and no specific name comes to mind. In this case use the image as though it was a person.
2. When the client has produced a name the counsellor then asks, "In what ways am I like X? Tell me how my appearance is like X's."
The client then tries to pull out as many similarities as they can in terms of physical appearance, concentrating on concrete, literal description and avoiding interpretations. The counsellor needs to prompt as necessary and remind the client of being concrete and descriptive. If the client says things like, "You're a friendly person," then the counsellor should ask them to detail how they have decided that; it may be they have seen the person smile a lot.
3. When the client is unable to provide any more details, the counsellor asks "What's left unsaid to this person /or group?" The client tries to formulate and say what they would really like to say, without censorship. The client should try to use the present tense for this and say it as though the person were physically present. This may put the client into Discharge and, if so, this is fine; deal with by the usual techniques if necessary. If at this stage it becomes apparent that the client has a lot of Distress in this area then the counsellor can suggest Attention Switching and the setting aside of time to co-counsel on it at a later time.
4. The counsellor then says, "In what ways am I not like X? Tell me about my appearance first." The client then searches for differences, and again the counsellor should push for concrete literal details. Again actions and appearance can be asked for. Interpretations should be examined to see what observations they represent. This stage is particularly important if the counsellor is the person who reminds you of someone, as the person being counsellor may have found the identification distressing. It is also important for the client, as without sorting out differences, restimulations are likely to continue. The process illustrates a general principle of Target Practice and Pattern breaking, namely the separation of past distress from the present moment, person, and situation, in a clear fashion.
5. A final possibility which also is in the Target Practice/ Pattern breaking area is that the counsellor can ask, "If you drop into the restimulation, how are you likely to behave?" This can provide cues for when restimulation is occurring in the rest of life. When the client notices these cues, they can look for the Restimulation and find a way to climb out of the Distress, rather than go along with the Pattern.
There are several ways of using the routine:
a) In a class situation where the exercise is being tried out. In this case the suggestion would be that people try to pick as partners someone they had strong feelings about on first meeting. However if that choice is not available, the suggestion would be to work with whoever you are paired with and see what happens. Most people experience restimulations, it is the strength of them that varies. Sometimes people are surprised by the result of this exercise.
b) With a new co-counselling partner it is useful to Check Recognitions both ways round, to minimize restimulations which might interfere with trust.
c) When important new people enter your life, then doing the Checking Recognitions exercise will help separate them from past people. In this case you will use your normal counsellor and the questions will refer to the person you wish to check out. Comparing authority figures and new intimates with parents can often be fruitful.
d) A useful exercise can be to check out all the important people in your current life, in order to see them more clearly.
e) With familiarity with the routine the exercises can be carried out without a co-counselling partner.
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