Consider the following map of group experience (which is followed by an explanation in words):
Co-counselling groups and classes aim for the northwest quadrant, where there is both high challenge and high support. Support is vital. Patterns are powerful. Support will enable people to challenge their Patterns.
Many people feel frightened or irritable in the northeast quadrant, where there is high challenge but little support. Only those high on self-support will feel excited and be able to use it for growth.
In the southwest quadrant, there is high support but little challenge. It feels good--a cuddly group, a haven from the world. However, there is little motive for change.
In the southeast quadrant, there is little challenge and little support. Many people here feel bored, apathetic, or depressed. If they have any choice, they will not want to come again.
The diagram shows the Challenge and Support characteristics of situations as perceived by the people taking part in them. We are using it to look at the possible climates of growth groups. For most people life lacks outside support, so we would call this the essential ingredient; however without the challenge, growth is unlikely. One definition of growth is the person moving from outside support to self support.
We recommend attending classes or getting together in groups relatively frequently. Some people will find there are no problems as they are in an already established community. Others will find that they have to initiate things if they want group support. Within many communities people set up peer groups without teachers. Here are a few tips from our personal experience.
Firstly, that co-counselling groups have the same sort of contract as pairs do: confidentiality, sharing time, no judgements of others or self, no interpretations, no advice. The purpose of this is to enable people to work on their Patterns in safety. Without this contract powerful Patterns disrupt and interfere, and much time is wasted. Sometimes people feel that setting up structures goes against taking responsibility for self. Patterns of course are totally irresponsible, and to hope to be responsible all the time is to ignore the fact that people are doing co-counselling because Patterns are powerful; people need the support of special conditions and time set aside to be able to disrupt them. For us, rotation of roles, and variety of structures, is the aim rather than abolition of either. We hope to minimize the domination of oppressive Patterns, whether they operate with official labels or not. When meeting in a group we recommend:
1. Appoint someone to be responsible for helping the group keep the contract. Deal with this at the beginning of the meeting if it has not been decided before, and remind everyone of what the contract is. Do not expect perfection; using 'foul' in a light-hearted way for breaches of the contract is helpful. If there is a teacher present then they will usually fulfill this role, but this does not have to be assumed. In a group of inexperienced co-counsellors it is best to take turns to facilitate, rather than assume everyone is responsible. Someone needs to ensure that any individual, or the group, does not sit around sunk in distress.
2. When someone is working in the group then everyone else is asked to give free attention. If a counsellor is required then one person should be designated, rather than everyone offering suggestions.
3. Opening and closing circles are useful rituals and working opportunities. For opening circles we would use positive focus themes and celebrations. We pick topics for closing circles which are oriented towards changes people are going to make for themselves, and celebrating strengths that will help them.
In addition to a opening circle, mini-sessions are useful even if the main item on the agenda is long sessions in pairs. They encourage variety of partners and help people get to know each other. A surprising amount of work can be done with a variety of quick sessions, 3 to 5 minutes each way.
4. Because many people have choosing Patterns, try using different ways of pairing as well as free choice. Randomly pick names from a hat; or have two hats, each with half the names, divided by experience, or gender, and so on; pairing can be within the hats, or by picking one name from each.
Similarly there are many ways of deciding on order in circles or turn-taking exercises like Direction Holding. We only occasionally use random ordering which depends on people making bids to be next; it tends to take more time than other methods, and we think most people could be using this time more fruitfully. We do usually ask for someone willing to be first, and then go round the circle from that point, asking the first person to decide to go right or left. With this system we say people can pass if they really need to, and they are then returned to at the end.
For longer exercises the following all work:
a. Before starting, have the group make bids for which slot they want. Those people who really want to go early or late get the chance. Those who do not mind, or cannot make their mind up, have the positions left.
b. Appoint a cushion as the hot seat, where whoever is going to go next moves to sit while the first person has their turn. This helps minimize time loss, while allowing people to choose more on the spur of the moment. If this is not working then the next method can be resorted to.
c. The first person to go chooses the next, with no restrictions on choice. Use of an object, like a cushion, to be passed on is helpful.
Keeping groups going in the long-term raises organizational issues like membership, decision making power, leadership, conflict resolution, teacher accreditation, recruitment. These issues are beyond the scope of this manual. For groups facing these issues we would recommend they acquire the information about how other groups organize and tackle these issues, both within Co-Counselling International type communities and Re-evaluation Counseling. John Heron has some useful things to say in his Co-counselling Teachers Manual. Also see articles in Co-Counselling in the World.
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