The co-counselling model of what human beings are like focuses on how they interact with the world they live in: with other humans and with the physical environment. Part of everyone's experience is that individuals have two distinct modes of interaction with the world. In one mode they respond flexibly to different situations; take in information, evaluate on the basis of past experience and select or create an appropriate response. In the other mode individuals respond rigidly; they react on the basis of only part of the information, with the same response that has been used in the past. This rigid response is usually inadequate. When we talk about a 'response' we are including 'being' as well as 'doing': thoughts, feelings, muscular tensions are responses as much as actions. In the second mode both the experiencing and the acting of the individual are rigid.
Both the flexible and the rigid modes are part of human experience and both have their uses. However the important point is that humans can only grow and develop when responding in the flexible mode; rigid-mode reactions which constrain individuals to inappropriate responses are powerful blocks to growth. Such rigid-mode reactions are usually unpleasant to experience as well. Co-counselling clearly distinguishes responding in the flexible mode from responding in a rigid mode. The jargon used is responding from the PERSON or responding from a PATTERN. Patterns are seen as distinct from the Person, parasitic on the Person even. Individuals are encouraged to equate both themselves and others with their Persons and not with their Patterns. At the same time the destructive power of many Patterns is taken seriously. The characteristics of the basic human being, the Person, that are emphasised, vary from one theorist to another, but they all appear to be talking about the same things, even though the language differs.
Harvey Jackins talks about inherent human qualities and singles out: having a vast intelligence; being zestful; being naturally caring and co-operative with others.
John Heron talks about human beings being distinguished by personal needs: to love and be loved; to understand and be understood; to be self-directing. He says infants have remarkable, though undeveloped, capacities for love, understanding and choice.
We use some of Harvey Jackins's language, but would underpin this with biological models. We consider the following basic characteristics the starting points of being human:
Using the model of individuals having a Personal self and a Patterned self, we can make an important statement: personal growth will result from any methods that enable individuals to alter the balance between flexible and inappropriate rigid responses in their lives--to alter their Person /Pattern ratio. Co-counselling has a variety of strategies and specific techniques which enable individuals to alter their Person /Pattern balance in favour of their Persons. The core strategy in co-counselling is the disruption of Patterns, by removing the motivational energy which drives them. This is agreed to be inappropriate negative feelings, called DISTRESS in the jargon.
When people are in negative feelings their bodies are geared up for action and their minds are preoccupied with the threatening aspects of their environment. This is appropriate when the threat is real here and now and will expedite action. If, however, the feelings are inappropriate to the present situation then the responses are also likely to be inappropriate and hence not change the situation. The result is that the individual is trapped in Distress of body and mind with no way out. In contrast, with positive feelings, both minds and bodies are in a state where the individual has a lot of choice over what to do next and access to all the abilities which go along with being in the Person mode.
Richard: Poor Boy says, "Be nice to me - I'll do anything you want. Baby Richard can accept care and attention but says, "Please don't leave me--but I know you will." Demon King is fierce, strong, an exhuberant fixer. Rebel Richard says, "If I can't have it you won't either!"
Rose: Working Woman is cool, competent, controlled. Reject Rose--"I fall short of any standard. I'm clumsy, thoughtless, and have airy legs." Bitch Boss is sarcastic: "How could you be so dumb, act so stupid!" Paralysed is choking on anger. "Can't go my own way. Don't know what I want."
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